Summer Time Blues
How The Movies Of Summer Ruined Everything
By Geoffrey Robert Reed
As a lot of you might have noticed, here in Seattle the summertime weather has apparently decided to shun us and not show up at all! This is what Traci Allison my high school prom date did to me, so I’m pretty use to it. (Actually, she did show up that night, with her real prom date Rick Morrison. They raided my dad’s liquor cabinet, and then Rick gave me a swirly in my own toilet. I did not get the rental deposit on my tux back) But don’t worry Seattle! This gloomy weather will pass, and soon you will be basking in the 62 degree, mildly sunny weather that is the Seattle Summer!
Until then, here are some of my top picks of summer movies, and a few things that happened to me while I tried viewing them!
Summer School: (1987) – Mark Harmon is a gym teacher who teaches a rag-tag group of misfit during the summer months in this 80’s comedy from the always reliable Carl Reiner. We have this in stock a Moviecycle! This film makes summer school look like a lot of fun, but believe me it is not. I was a straight A student in junior high, but during my last week of English class, my arch enemy & bully Ryan Carter switched my final paper “Mark Twain: American Hero“ with a paper he wrote called “F**K You Miss Jenkins!” Miss Jenkins was our teacher. I failed her class, and had to go to summer school for 2 months. This meant not only did I miss out on computer camp, but I had to attend summer school class with Ryan every day and endure endless after class beatings. Also, he stole my shoes three times that summer.
Caddyshack II: (1988)- This amazingly funny movie (which we currently have in stock here at Moviecycle) which actually manages to be even funnier that the original, was a box-office smash when it came out. Not only did it breathe new life into the golf-comedy, (or Golfedy as it is now known) it made Jackie Mason a star who had crossed generations as American’s new sex symbol. This film doesn’t have much to do with summer, but it does have a great water-park scene. A mishap on a water slide may seem like comedy gold when it happens in the movies, but believe me, when it happens in real life; nope. For my 16th birthday my uncle Clair bought me a free summer pass to Wild Waves. Man was I excited. I was in line for my first ride on a slide they called Admiral Rampage when a girl in front of me said I could go ahead of her! I thanked her, and jumped into the tube. Moments before I headed down, I felt two hands at the legs of my bathing suit. Yup. She pantsed me. I spent the next 4 hours waiting for my mom to pick me up naked, runnning around the park looking for cover & screaming “Help me! Someone Help me! while crying uncontrollably. It was then that I earned the nick-name “Tic-Tac”
American Pie 2 : (2002)- Those wacky teens in their mid to late 20’s are back! This time the “gang” heads out for some fun in the sand & sun and a bunch of stuff happens that should surprise no one! They also rent a summer cabin, which reminds me of a little story. Summer, 1992. Last day of school. I am cleaning out my locker, and underneath my Crash Test Dummies c.d. I find a note inviting me to share a summer cabin with a bunch of dudes from the basketball team & Heather Davidsondearinton. One of the cutest girls in school! I had my “weekend step-dad” drive me out to the beach the next day. The house was a beautiful summer cabin. As my stepdad drove off, I knocked on the door, my duffle bag & Snoopy Sno-Cone macine at my feet. The Door swung open… Yup. It was Ryan Carter. He pulled out a water gun and shot a thick stream of hot sauce directly into my eyes. As I was doubled over in agony, he pulled me up and handed me a mop and bucket. That summer I was held captive as the in-house janitor. Cleaning up after each party was a nice break from being tied up in the basement every day and night. Oh….and the Snoopy Sno-Cone machine was broken, but not before I was fed a Lemon Sno-cone. (It was really pee, not lemon) We have this movie in stock at Moviecycle as well.
Well. Have a good summer everyone. Don’t forget to drop by Moviecycle to pick up some of your favorite Summertime flicks!